Have you ever been really down and out?

If you have ever had people refuse to acknowledge you as a person, as a viable individual, refuse to help you when you needed help, try to tell you that everything is your fault, then you know what it is to be down and out. I can remember five years ago when my foot was broken, when my brother in law was robbing my house, when my husband left me and divorced me, and I couldn’t even fight it because I couldn’t even get a doctor’s appointment to get a cast on my foot, so I could not go anywhere except sit in the house and pity myself. People were telling me that because he was divorcing me that he could do anything he wanted, including date my best friends. I had no income because I could not work, my soon to be ex said that he brother had told him not to give me any cash, but he took me to McDonald’s and I ate off the dollar menu, while he took his girlfriends, who were my friends also, to Sizzler. He also supplied one of them with pills out of his shrink med collection.
That was my year of 2008.
Since then, I have learned to trust in God as my helper, because humans are fallible. Proverbs 5:3-7 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” When we look critically at this passage, we see that we are to trust Him with not just part of our heart, and the other part is who knows where. We are not to lean on our own understanding, because we cannot understand what God is doing in our lives; if we trust Him to take care of a situation, He will do that, and it may take longer that we expect it to take, because our time is not His time. We are to acknowledge Him in all our ways, not just some of our ways and the rest of them we do not acknowledge Him. How two faced is that? And finally it says that if we do all these things, He will direct our paths, in other words, He will show us the way to go.
Let me tell you a little story about myself. This was in 2011. I took a care-giving job, moving in with a woman who was on 18 prescriptions. I prayed with her 25 times a day. I also prayed for her privately, that she would get her meds straightened out. She was a psychological basket case. She also had a lot of friends who would come over and I was really uncomfortable about them, because some of them were not Christians, but of some other spiritual origin. She has all kinds of dolls and symbolic things in her house which also made me uncomfortable. Then she began going to a doctor who changed one of her meds to something else. Her whole personality changed and she fired me. I had to move. So I moved in with a woman I thought was a Christian. I was there for two months, during which she had many problems including a surgery and then one two days later. One morning, she woke up and she had been bleeding from her second surgery, and suddenly she was in so much pain that she was screaming for me to dial 911, which I did. She gave her car key to a woman we both knew and the paramedics took her to the hospital. When she came home from the hospital, she demanded me to tell her where her car key was, and I did not know. I went to church that night and the pastor’s wife gave me her car key; I don’t even know how she had gotten it. But when I brought it to my room mate, she said it had cost 160 dollars, and she was glad she had it. Then all of a sudden she started staying out till all hours with men friends, and then she kicked me out, giving me a week to find another place to go. I did find a place by God’s grace, and left September 1, 2011. I was then near the guy who helped me move, but he turned out to be no good either. No one would pick me up to take me to the ministry where I volunteered, because now I lived too far out of their way. Then a gal moved in who had a drug and alcohol problem, and she also had spells where she growled and cussed at me. In December, my best friend of all asked me to marry him. After much prayer, I said yes, and I moved out of there, and into another friend’s house closer to him and moved all my stuff into his garage. February 27, we were married, and I moved in with him.
This is how God does things. So put your trust always in God; He knows what He is doing.


About claudiabarlow

I am a writer, and a blogger, and I teach creative writing at my library. I also teach on line, and I have had international students take my class.
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